Beyond Space, Beneath Earth, Between Me and Myself: A COMPLEX INDIVIDUAL

Ang tagal mo ng wala. Miss na miss na kita. Madami pa ring pagkakataong hinahanap hanap kita. Di na ako makahinga sa dami ng ginagawa, pero bakit ganun… madalas pa rin kitang maalala. Madalas pa rin kitang hinahanap. Miss na miss na kita, nanay. Ayaw kong pumasok sa kwarto mo. Ayaw kong ni pumunta sa puntod mo. Ayaw kong isiping wala ka na talaga.

Lagi pa din akong umiiyak. Miss na miss na kase kita eh. Sayang nay, di kita napasaya ng sobra bago ka umalis…

Ang dami kong pinagsisisihan, lalo na yung araw na nawala ka. Sana hindi na lang ako umalis sa tabi mo. Sana, nanatili na lang ako sa piling mo. Sana niyakap na lang kita buong magdamag. Mahal na mahal kita. Di ko man napakita sayo, pero pangako… mahal kita. Wala ka man dito ngayon, gusto kong malaman mong bawat pangarap ko para sayo.

Mahal kita, nanay. Sana alam mong mahal na mahal kita…

"And the
spaces uncontrollably turned into distances… the days continuously
passes by without us even noticing it. and we have just grown
apart….damn. have we really lost our love?"

1:44am

Naninikip ang dibdib ko. Hindi ako makahinga. Napapagod ng tumibok ang puso ko. At unti- unti alam kong naghihingalo na ang pag-ibig ko para sayo…

Saktan mo lang ako. Hanggang wala ng matirang pagmamahal sa puso ko.

Saktan mo lang ako. Hanggang maubos na ang sakit na maaari kong maramdaman.

Sakatan mo lang ako. Hanggang masabi ko na ring hindi na kita mamahalin pang muli…

Sakatan mo lang ako. Hanggang mamatay na lamang ang liyab ng pagmamahal ko. Pawiin mo  ng sakit ang mga sakit na dulot ng pagmamahal ko sayo…

Pakiusap… saktan mo na lang ako hanggang matapos na lahat ng ito…

“Students
of Science cannot stay meekly on the side. Objectivity was never an
excuse to shut up, to be neutral. Indifference is never a virtue, or
a stimulus towards creative pursuit. It is a gray area between
darkness and light that lets the dominant power continue its
hegemony. Apathy is just the dead-end of humanity. Great scientists
were never known for it. Break the image of the uninvolved
scientist!”

Mula sa STAND-UP College
of Science, isang taas kamaong pagpupugay sa lahat ng mga
organisasyon at indibidwal na naging kabahagi ng maigting nating
kampanya sa nakaraang Student Council Elections!

Lubus-lubos ang
pasasalamat namin sa tulong at suportang ipinakita ninyong lahat.
Hindi man nagwagi ang karamihan sa atin sa taong ito, huwag natin
itong tignan bilang isang pagkatalo at bagkus ay magsilbi sana itong
hamon sa atin upang lalo’t patuloy na baguhin ang bulok na
sistemang namumuhay sa ating kolehiyo.

Sa susunod na taon mga
kaibigan at kapwa Siyentista ng Bayan, tuloy-tuloy pa rin tayo sa
pagmulat at pag-unlad. Hindi sa pagsuko natatapos ang lahat. Umpisa
pa lamang ito ng laban at pangarap nating kolehiyo, isang kolehiyong
nagkakaisa at naninindigan tungo sa tunay na interes ng mas
nakararami. Isang kolehiyong may tunay na representasyon at boses
nating mga mag-aaral. At isang kolehiyong mayroong tunay na konsehong
katuwang sana natin sa pag-unlad at walang kinikilingang organisasyon
o indibidwal para isulong ang mga pansariling interes.

Kaya’t
ang STAND-UP CS, kasama ninyo at ng iba’t-iba pang organisasyon at
mga indibidwal sa loob at labas ng College of Science ay naniniwalang
ang asul at dilaw o maging ano pa mang kulay na namamayani sa ating
kolehiyo ngayo’y unti-unti at hindi lalao’y mapapalitan din ng
pula. Dahan-dahan, sa tulong ninyo makakamit din natin ang tagumpay.

Muli, sa ngalan ng
STAND-UP CS taos-pusong pasasalamat COLLEGE of SCIENCE!

Siyentista ng bayan
ialay ang talino sa bayan! Sama-sama tayong makialam, makilahok at
manindigan!

Mary Grace Bato

Coordinator, STAND-UP CS

    Last
December 15, 2006, the UP Administration confirmed what many of us had feared
all along: a TFI proposal that is unpopular, unscientific, and unethical, would
be railroaded. It is unpopular because it has virtually no approval from us
students. At best, the TFI proposal has the support from a handful of students:
the usual gang of people whose idea of improving UP is by installing liquid
soap dispensers in the toilets. It is unscientific because most of its
justifications are based on the false assumption that the economic standing of
the average Filipino today is the same as it was in 2004. With E-VAT, continued
inflation, and a wage increase which isn’t enough for our commuting expenses,
it does not take us a lot of economic jargon to discern how ridiculously false
that assumption is. It is unethical because it is unscientific. Engineers and
scientists would be very familiar with this: Garbage In, Garbage Out. With the
UP Admin using garbage-quality research, it is inevitable that a
garbage-quality TFI proposal would come out. And it is even more unethical
because the UP Admin has deceived the teachers to get their support for the
TFI. Before November 23, the UP Admin promised the teachers that they would get
salary increases once the TFI is approved. Even though they knew it was not
possible under the Salary Standardization Law, the UP Admin continued its lying
until it was exposed. And finally, it is unethical in the way it was passed.
The UP Admin convened the BOR Meeting in another location, the  College of Law, and informed the Student and Faculty Regents in a way that they would only be
involved in the voting process. No participation in debates. In fact, there was
no debate as it took the Board of Regents only 20 minutes to finish the entire
meeting, including the approval of the BOR.

    Apparently,
this issue did not concern the Law Student Government as it did not bother to
comment or release a statement about it. However, when the LSG did release a
statement, it was in condemnation of the protest action against the TFI, not
the TFI itself.  In its statement, the LSG condemned the protest as
“criminal” because it “tramples on propriety, ethics
and any notion of reason”. Yet, the same LSG did not even comment on how the UP
Admin has trampled on propriety, when the BOR convened like a meeting of
thieves, to prevent the Student and Faculty Regents from presenting their
arguments and the students’ outrage. The same LSG did not even comment on how
the UP Admin has trampled on ethics by lying to garner support for the TFI. And
finally, the same LSG did not even comment on how the UP Admin has trampled on
reason, by using obsolete data to justify the TFI.

    If
the LSG is really consistent in its “bias” for “propriety, ethics and any
notion of reason”, it should have included the TFI proposal and the conduct of
the BOR Meeting as targets of its criticism. Yet up to this day, the LSG has
not released a statement on both topics. Could it be that the LSG has simply
made a mistake in its analysis by not viewing the protest action in the context
of the outrageous behavior of the BOR? Or could it be that the LSG did not (and
will not) condemn the TFI, and how it was railroaded, because it supports the
TFI? If it is the first option, then the members of the LSG must rethink their
stance before they embarrass their fellow Law students and fellow UP students.
If it is the second option, then we ask the LSG to desist from being the
Admin’s puppets that divert the public’s attention from the outrageous and
unethical TFI.

    If
the LSG is really sincere, it should realize this: united we stand, divided we
fall. The UP Admin has already gained a few victories due to its attempts
to divide us students. The battle against TFI is not yet lost, but it will
certainly be, if we continue to remain divided.

    And
finally, the LSG, as well the entire UP Community, should be reminded of the
fable about trees. When the “better” trees allowed the “lower” trees to be cut
down, the “lower” trees were used as handles for the woodcutters’ axes,
allowing them to chop down the entire forest.

    Will
they let their fellow UP students be “chopped down”?

Idiotic, no scientific
basis.

    It starts at the
very top. A certain Emmanuel De Dios (he claims to be a Professor at a certain
college, but I think even my high school would not hire people who do not use
the scientific method in research) claims that the incoming batch of UP
students can shoulder the ToFI because they are coming from comfortable
backgrounds. His basis? Data from 2004. The Dean of the College of Mass Communications, who is pro-ToFI, unwittingly killed his own argument
(thank God for the senility of old age) by mentioning that the nominal value of
UP students’ allowances increased over the years. Note the word: nominal.
Aside from the yearly inflation of prices, there was also the E-VAT and the
spate of oil price hikes. In the same period of time, minimum wages were
actually raised by 75 pesos. WOW.  It reflects even in their handful of
supporters in the student body. These students can only raise and defend their
positions in the internet (i.e blogs and forums) where they have the luxury of
consulting dictionaries (to fix their grammar, because their manufactured
accent wont work here) and tons of literature to reply to even a simple
argument made by a high school student. But in public, they have at least
enough sense to realize that they are as intellectually unarmed as Sergio Cao
during the University Convocation. To even attempt to answer the lay-man’s
argument against ToFI would result in their stuttering, changing topics,
focusing on the grammar of their opponents, and even plain and simple
embarassed silence.

Sneaky,
underhanded, unethical

    As mentioned above,
students who support ToFI have shown a total lack of capability in defending
their positions. Thus, they resort to sneaky means that would have made
Virgilio Garcilliano proud. But we must not be surprised. Like father, like
bastard. They could only have learned this from the likes of Emerlinda Roman
and Sergio Cao. As we have already mentioned, Roman and Cao may be stupid, but
they are not stupid enough to realize that their arguments would not stand
public scruntity. Thus, they changed the venue of the BOR Meeting upon
realization that the barricade was a reality, locked out (they even turned off
their cellphones) the Student and Faculty Regents (its like a Student Council
election with the students not being allowed to vote), and voted for the ToFI
while there was no quorum (there were only 6 regents present, 7 are required).
And all in a span of 20 minutes! Imagine that!

And finally, fascist and
elitist.

    Are you even surprised? Its
unfortunate that our President comes from the College of Business Administration. The senile old fool must have mistaken our beloved University
for a simple business enterprise. Does she (or for that matter, any Econ
student) actually understand the term social services? Its supposed to
offset the effect of low wages by providing the poor with affordable health
services, housing and EDUCATION. But now I actually believe that our
educational system is in shambles. Imagine, people who do not even understand
that are officials of our University. And such a discriminatory proposal is to
be expected when you commission a liar like De Dios to make the study.
Remember, it was De Dios and his ilk the applauded the E-VAT. They even
promised us more funds for education once E-VAT was passed. Now, more than a
year later, not a single centavo has gone to UP. And finally, the illusion that
the UP Admin gives a shit about the students has fallen off. The emcee of the
University Convocation admitted that the strong opposition registered against
the ToFI would not really mean anything. And during an attempted dialogue with
Sergio Cao over the Collegian funds, he simply ran over a student that was in
the way of his car. And of course, the students who support TFI are all
a-quiver with delight over that incident. If the student was killed, it would
mean one less student whose arguments they cannot answer.

    To anyone reading this, as
long as we make excuses on why we are not actively participating in the fight
against ToFI, we are giving the UP Admin an excuse to ram it down our throats.
The outpouring of outrage last Friday was a little too late. By that time, the
ToFI had already been railroaded.

    But if
there is a lesson to be learned, it is that our strength is in numbers. We
succeded in exposing the unethical nature of the UP Admin by blockading Quezon Hall and challenging them to conduct their
meeting in public. If everyone who joined the protests last Friday could
mobilize at least 2 more of his/her friends, we can actually succeed in
pressuring the UP Admin into repealing the ToFI.

-AB-UPD

The peak has vanished. The darkest
days were over, I suppose. It doesn’t hurt that much and it won’t hurt again, I
hope. I am certain to move on. I am confident to live a life again. Neither with
you nor with anybody. I am moving with me and myself alone. And as I move on, I
am giving up all the pains that has succumbed my being. I’ m throwing all the abhorrence
that my heart has cherished. I am therefore letting go of the past so as you. Do
not misunderstood my phrases, my dear. I let go. So there won’t be pressures on
you. I let go. So you would live the life you’ve wanted without considering me.
I let go. Because I love you and I want nothing but your happiness. Pathetic it
may seem. But this is my way to show my one great love for you. I avoid self
interest for awhile. I elude from the world of selfishness and try to consider
your feelings. You may have committed mistakes, mistakes that took you away
from me. But I know in time, through lots of processes you will learn from
those lapse. And if in case our feelings will still be mutual by then, I am
sure love will find us once again…

 
I love you so much. You may have
heard it from me a lot of times, but let me tell you this… every time I ought
to say those words, it isn’t simply coming from the mouth… it comes from the
deepest networks of my soul…of my being that produces the complex compound
called Oxitocin. The complex compound responsible for true love.

Ang Pag-Ibig kong ItoMoonstar88

Umiiyak ang aking pusong nagdurusaNgunit ayokong may makakitaKahit anong sakit ang aking naranasan'Yan ay ayokong kanyang malaman

Refrain:Mga araw na nagdaan,kailanma'y hindi malilimutanKay tamis na raw ng pagmamahalanAng akala ko'y walang hangganan

Chorus:Ang pag-ibig kong itoLuha ang tanging nakamit buhat sa'yoKaya't sa MaykapalTuwina'y dalangin koSana'y...

(Repeat All)

Kapalaran ko ay magbago

(repeat Refrain)

(repeat Chorus)

Kapalaran ko ay magbago

--the song explicitly and exactly describes my current state..my current feelings..i just wanna be numb for the moment..

Nakakapagod ang tumunganga. Sa kawalan, marami kang
maiisip.. marami kang itatanong sa hanging hindi naman magbabalik ng kasagutan.
Paminsa’y titingalain ang langit at aapuhap na lamang ng katahimikan ang iyong
kalooban ngunit wala namang kapayapaang matatamo. Pero iba ngayon, napadapo ang
mouse pointer ko sa isang sulok ng makabagong teknolohiya. Sa isang bahaging
maaari akong makipagusap sa sarili ko, sa kawalan at higit sa lahat.. sa
tumitingin ng blog ko.

Matagal na panahon na rin pala nung huli kong sinulyapan ang blog ko. Kusang
hinaluglog ng kaluluwa ko ang lugar na may makakausap.. at mabuti na lamang at
hindi ako binigo ng friendster. Namiss ko din pala ang sumulat. Kupas na nga
yata ang aking kakayahan sa pagsulat. Wala na ang dating ‘ghing’ na hinubog ng
panahon ang kamay upang magsaad ng nilalaman ng kanyang pinaghalong isip at
damdamin. Tinangay na ng mga numero.. ng differential equations, partial
derivatives, integration, matrix at kung anu-anung kumplikadong bagay ng agham
ang aking natatanging kakayahan. Nawalan na nga ata ng damdamin ang aking
pagsulat. Napalitan ng mga sinasabi nilang ‘technicalities’. Mantakin mo, kaya
kong mag-simulate sa aking dev c++ ng kung anu-ano.. kaya kong gumawa ng game
of life, ng lotto, ng m x n matix na gumagawa ng iba’t-ibang operations at iba
pa. Pero nakakatawang, hindi ko man lamang malagyan ng damdamin ang nais kong
isulat. Napakateknikal ko na nga yatang magsulat. Ibig bang sabihin nun,
teknikal na rin mag-isip ang puso ko? Nakakatawa naman. Hayy. Hindi ko alam. Sa
totoo lang walang tumatakbong kung anong ideya sa isip ko kung bakit ako
sumusulat. Basta, tuloy lang.. tipa pa sa keyboard. Sige lang.. hanggang may
mga salita pang maihahayag..

Naalala ko nung mga panahong ito nung nakaraang taon, hayyy. aplikante ako sa
instru. Hindi yon org., hindi din club. Tawag don, research laboratory. Bago
ako pumasok ng instru magaan pa ang buhay estudyante ko.. pede pang bigyan ng
oras ang mga kilig ‘moments’ ng mga kabataan. Hay ngayon, eto na ako.. busy
lage. Text nga sa cellfone hindi ko na magawang buksan eh. Kurap lang ng mata,
kain, ligo at tulog ang break ko.Pakiramdam ko tuloy tumatanda na talaga ako.
Nakakatawa, 20 na ako. Pero kung tratuhin pa rin ako ng tao parang bata lang na
naliligaw pag naglalakad sa kampus. Hayy… parang kelan lang.. kakagradweyt ko
lng ng hayskul. Excited pumasok dahil freshie. Tas ngayon, gurang nako. 4th
year standing (amazingly.) at hopefully ay makagraduate na nga next year ng on
time. Nga naman ang panahon, nagdadaan lang ang bawat araw na hindi mo
napapansin. Ang dami ko nang natutunan sa buhay pero yung buhay wala pa ring
natututunan sa ‘kin. Kelan kaya darating yung panahong ako naman ang
pakikinggan nila kesa sila ang pakinggan ko? Kelan kaya ako magiging isang
‘grown-up’ sa paningin ng mga magulang at kamag-anak ko? Haayy.. kelan kaya ako
magiging mas kapakipakinabang. Masarap siguro yung hinahanap-hanap ka ng tao
kasi importante ka.. hayyyayyayy…

Napapagod ang puso ko.. naghihingangalo na ang aking isip.. bumagal na ang tipa
ng aking mga daliri.. tinatawag na ng katapusan ang aking sinusulat…at bigla
na lamang nagnanais ang paghinto.

    Isang magdamag na
namang walang pahinga… hindi mapakali.. hindi makatulog. Isang
gabing ayaw magpapigil… gabing hindi maubus-ubusan ng lakas… ng
pag-asa. Gabing puyat hindi dahil tambak ang pampaaralang gawain…
bagkus ang puyat at pagod ay idinulot ng pakikipaglaban.

    Dalawang araw na
pakikibaka, tatlong sunod-sunod na pagkatalo dahil sa pagkakapasa ng
tatlong makasariling ammendments… ngunit ang huling tinig… ang
huling ngiti at halakhak ay napasakamay pa rin natin. Mga kapwa
mag-aaral ng Unibersidad ng Pilipinas, tayo’y magbunyi’t
magsipagdiwang sapagkat gaano man harangan at gawing kontrobelsyal
ang nakaraang Student Reagent Selection ay nasa atin pa rin ang
matamis na halik ng tagumpay! Gamit ang iisang matuwid, tama at
makaestudyanteng mga paninindigan at pakikipagdigma ng mga
ideyolohiya’t pananaw, ang Student Reagent ay muli na namang
napagtagumpayanan ng STAND-UP student councils sa ginanap na
University-wide na botohan sa UP Los Banos.

     MABUHAY TAYONG
LAHAT! MABUHAY SI RAFFY SANCHEZ - ang nagwaging SR sa taong ito mula
sa UP Cebu! MABUHAY ang STAND-UP! IPAGPATULOY ANG LABAN SA PATULOY NA
PAGTAAS NG BUDGET CUT! IBAGSAK ANG REHIMENG ARROYO!!!